whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
