When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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