K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
