for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
