I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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