Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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