my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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