why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
