I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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