i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
