did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
