..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
