her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
