so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
