Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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