2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
