Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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