I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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