STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
