Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
