Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
