so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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