Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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