At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They took my balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
