I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
