When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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