Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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