So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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