Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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