so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
