woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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