Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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