i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
