glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
