it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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