Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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