oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
