I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
