im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my poor anus
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
