fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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