i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
