I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
