I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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