when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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