"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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