I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
