im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
