The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
