I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
