Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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