Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
