You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
